Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
