We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
