So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
