chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
