Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
