life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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