he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
