WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
