i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
