I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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