We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
