I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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