Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
