im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
