dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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