Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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