Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
