He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
