Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
