I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
