she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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