I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Alive.
So much puke
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize