You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
