Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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