I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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