I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
