singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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