It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
