Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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