Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
