His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
