Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
