So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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