I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
