I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
