drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
