69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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