dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize