I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
