Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize