Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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