She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
