Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
