Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
