thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We have so much sex to catch up on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Randomize
