I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
