His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
