I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
