Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
