Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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