My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
