i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
