You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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