She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize