Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
