I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
