he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
