i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
