Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize