I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
