he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
