Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
