My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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