yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize