yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
