I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
