I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Holy shit dude........stairs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
