Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
