Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
