What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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