Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
