mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
honey bunches of taint.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize