I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
