She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
