Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
