I looked at my own cervix.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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