Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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