carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
