I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
