Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
