The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
