Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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