The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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