I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
