so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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