OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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