Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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