the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
