med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
