just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
