1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
