did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
