I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize