before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
