Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
