What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
