are you still at the devil's house?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
