So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
