Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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