not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
