Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
