How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
