I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
