I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
