One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
