you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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