OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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